The awkward trials of being accidentally funny

Apparently, I said something funny a few days ago.  Katie swears by it.  But she can't remember what it was.  However, even though none of us can remember me being funny, I have been pressured into remembering it and then writing a blog post about it.  It's possibly the most stressful thing I've ever been through.  I try to dig through my memory for something funny I might have said 3.6 days ago, but I just can't recall it.  Every once and a while I'll say something that I think might be it, but then I look at Katie and she makes no response, or worse, gives a pity laugh.  I'm patronized by the idea that I might have said something amusing that might have changed my entire life for the better and perhaps could have made me money and fame and gotten me several boyfriends, but I just can't remember it.  Also, apparently that one sentence (thought, word, idea?) that I sputtered out 3.6 days ago used up all my funny.  Sorry guys.  I can only be funny when I'm about to go into a memory lapse, apparently.  And that memory lapse also affects my roommates.

Maybe that funny phrase was actually a magic spell, and it makes whomever hears it forget what I said.  Pretty useless, admittedly, unless your goal is to make several people crazy trying to figure out what it is that I said, including myself.  I'm pretty sure if I figure out how to harness this superpower, I could be president of the world.  Or something.  Because I could say something stupid that would make people stop voting for me, but then they would just forget what I said and just remember that I was funny.  Success.  I'm gonna have to practice this.

...

What kind of bear has no teeth?

A gummy bear!

....Yeah, I don't think that was it.  *sigh*

I'm out of toothpaste. (sarcasm font)

Sara: Hey.
Me: Hey there.
Sara: 'sup
Me: Studying in the lobby with awkward couples.
Sara: YEEESSSS!!!!!!
Me: Your enthusiasm is inspiring. I think Jessie and I are now going out by default.
Sara: Going out....?
Me: We had to complete the Vegas marriage circle. Obviously.
Sara: Ah. Lesbian. Sweeeeet dude....
Me: Basically. Is this against the honor code?
Sara: ....Let's say no.
Me: Oh good. We wouldn't want to do anything scandalous.
Sara: Never! *gasp*
Me: I resent your insinuation that we are anything but model citizens.
Sara: Well, we were late to FHE...I'm pretty sure that's the worst thing we've ever done though.
Me: Have we ever been on time...to anything?
Sara: I was on time to dinner once. **
Me: I aspire to be you someday.
Sara: I know. It was only a matter of time.
Me: Because you just have that effect on people?
Sara: Now you understand.

**Commentary by Jessie: "How can you be on time to dinner???? It's not a scheduled thing!!! I don't understand!!!" As I am typing this, Marina is smerfing up in fits of laughter. She is clutching her stomach because of said fits. Would you like to know what said fits are about? Marina was worried no one would get the extreme sarcasm in this conversation so Sara suggested having a sarcasm font. Marina's retort what was, "I would always use that font! 'Hey Jessie, do you want to go to dinner?'" Katie proceeded to sit there and think it over trying to understand the sarcasm in it...until she realized that that was the whole point of it...Oh look, Marina's back in fits of laughter...