My family is weird. Ya know how Santa comes on Christmas? Well, in my family, Mother Goose comes on New Year's Eve and gives presents to children. I'm not sure if they have to be good or not. I'm also not sure about a bunch of other things. Like, Why doesn't Mother Goose come to everyone? Why New Year's Eve? How does she get in the house? Is she actually a goose, or does she just call herself that? And where do the famous nursery rhymes come in?
In order to find out, I asked a bunch of my family members about Mother Goose. Turns out, they all had different theories.
One theory is that Mother Goose is just that--a goose. 10 feet tall, in fact. She carries the gifts in her ginormous tail feathers. And as she flies off into the night, she cries, "HONK! Happy New Year! HONK!"
Theory Number Two: Mother Goose is not actually a goose. She's an old Grandma. Very similar to Mrs. Clause. She owns a goose. She rides it, in fact. Now, I've seen geese, and they're not big enough to ride. So, either this goose is inherently magic, or it eats those little pills like on Alice in Wonderland, that make it grow or shrink depending on which one it eats.
Who knows.
And, apparently, she only comes to some houses. Like, not even all our state, or our county, or even all of our city. In fact, I'm pretty sure we're the only house she comes to. Weird...
So, if you ever want to find out more about Santa Clause, read a book or watch a Christmas movie. There are none of those about Mother Goose, so good luck. Oh, and happy new year. Or something at the end of February. Honk.
Tuesday, February 26
Saturday, February 23
Adventures in the Work Force
I have an interesting job. And by interesting, I mean "a job so mindblowingly boring that we'd probably all stick our heads into a lethal looking machine if we didn't come up with ways of entertaining ourselves." So, not interesting at all, really. But I do have interesting coworkers, and therefore interesting stories.
We have a ten(ish) minute break halfway through work every morning. One day, we grabbed some extra wrapping plastic, taped around it a few times, and made a rough looking ball. We proceeded to spend the next ten minutes tossing it between us with increasingly complicated rules. We probably would have forgotten about it by the next day. However, shortly after returning to work, someone attempted to tape up a box of books, and pressed an innocent button on the tape machine. She discovered, to her alarm, that the tape machine did not produce the prescribed length of tape, but instead decided to just keep distributing tape...forever. The rest of us quickly noticed what was going on, and proceeded to press every button within reach in the desperate hope of stopping the tape. Nothing worked until someone finally pulled the plug on the machine. We ended up, therefore, with a length of tape that stretched across almost the entire room, probably about twenty five feet. Our boss was in the room, talking to someone, and conveniently not paying attention to us, so we did the only thing we could. We wrapped the tape around our new ball, quickly and quietly before anyone could notice. And we still have it to this day.
At any moment, one of us might be questioned, in detail, about our love life, or lack thereof. We can be questioned about other things too, and we are, but love life inquiries usually lead to the most interesting stories. Basically, we're desperate for something to talk about most of the time, so we're all fairly familiar with all of the details of each others lives. At any moment, one might also have a coil flung at them from across the room, and turn around to find a room full of completely innocent looking coworkers. It's also good form to check one's back for tape every couple of hours, because it's unlikely that anyone will ever tell you about it.
A couple of weeks ago, we had a competition to see who could give the most awkward hug. It began when someone voiced a disbelief that a hug could be awkward. She was quickly and decisively proven wrong. After competing amongst ourselves, we proceeded to turn our awkward hugs on other, less wary coworkers, who, when asked to report their feelings, indeed responded, "It was awkward."
On Wednesday, it was lots of little things. I was working on putting covers on books before they could be bound, and since I was producing them faster than anyone was taking them, things got a bit ridiculous. After filling every available surface in the room with stacks of books, I started to build a small igloo of books around myself, until I could only be seen from certain angles, and it became increasingly difficult to actually put covers on any books. Meanwhile, a friend of mine was attempting to lift a big pile of books on a palette lifter, which looks something like this:
She wasn't having any luck, and it wasn't until we each took a side, throwing our body weight into it and loudly singing "I've been working on the railroad," that we finally managed to lift it up. Finally, on this same day we put together a care package for a coworker who had recently left on a mission. Actual goods included slightly too old celery, and some pears. We did, however, write a funny note, include a water bottle full of little paper dots from the punching machine, and stuff the box with coils. I'm sure it'll be entertaining, if nothing else.
Some days, my work is weird. And some days, my work is really weird.
We have a ten(ish) minute break halfway through work every morning. One day, we grabbed some extra wrapping plastic, taped around it a few times, and made a rough looking ball. We proceeded to spend the next ten minutes tossing it between us with increasingly complicated rules. We probably would have forgotten about it by the next day. However, shortly after returning to work, someone attempted to tape up a box of books, and pressed an innocent button on the tape machine. She discovered, to her alarm, that the tape machine did not produce the prescribed length of tape, but instead decided to just keep distributing tape...forever. The rest of us quickly noticed what was going on, and proceeded to press every button within reach in the desperate hope of stopping the tape. Nothing worked until someone finally pulled the plug on the machine. We ended up, therefore, with a length of tape that stretched across almost the entire room, probably about twenty five feet. Our boss was in the room, talking to someone, and conveniently not paying attention to us, so we did the only thing we could. We wrapped the tape around our new ball, quickly and quietly before anyone could notice. And we still have it to this day.
At any moment, one of us might be questioned, in detail, about our love life, or lack thereof. We can be questioned about other things too, and we are, but love life inquiries usually lead to the most interesting stories. Basically, we're desperate for something to talk about most of the time, so we're all fairly familiar with all of the details of each others lives. At any moment, one might also have a coil flung at them from across the room, and turn around to find a room full of completely innocent looking coworkers. It's also good form to check one's back for tape every couple of hours, because it's unlikely that anyone will ever tell you about it.
A couple of weeks ago, we had a competition to see who could give the most awkward hug. It began when someone voiced a disbelief that a hug could be awkward. She was quickly and decisively proven wrong. After competing amongst ourselves, we proceeded to turn our awkward hugs on other, less wary coworkers, who, when asked to report their feelings, indeed responded, "It was awkward."
On Wednesday, it was lots of little things. I was working on putting covers on books before they could be bound, and since I was producing them faster than anyone was taking them, things got a bit ridiculous. After filling every available surface in the room with stacks of books, I started to build a small igloo of books around myself, until I could only be seen from certain angles, and it became increasingly difficult to actually put covers on any books. Meanwhile, a friend of mine was attempting to lift a big pile of books on a palette lifter, which looks something like this:
Some days, my work is weird. And some days, my work is really weird.
Sunday, February 10
someone was trying to tell me i needed more driving practice
11. 11-13.2012---- so I completely on purpose decided to pick the one weekend we had a snow storm to drive down to Las Vegas for a wedding. first time driving in snow...i owned it! i could only see through a small clear spot on the windshield which forced me to lean over and touch cheeks with the passenger, but that's fine. what else are you supposed to do during a long car ride? we won't hydroplane, i said. 40 isn't too fast, i said. apparently it was. we only hydroplaned for a second and my passenger, scott, didn't even notice. driving through a snow storm for 4 hours was just what i wanted to do with my friday afternoon.
2.10.2013---- UPDATE: Now that I have had much more experience driving in snow, ice, and freezing rain, I have decided to start drifting in the snow for fun! It's so fun!.....until you realize that you shouldn't do it near other cars. There's this left turn that I particularly like, but there is a car that's always parked at the corner. Yesterday, I was like yeah!! drifting!!! did it! and then in the middle of it I was like oh shoot I should stop sliding now because I'm headed right now that car. I stopped and all was well. Lesson learned? CHECK! :)
2.10.2013---- UPDATE: Now that I have had much more experience driving in snow, ice, and freezing rain, I have decided to start drifting in the snow for fun! It's so fun!.....until you realize that you shouldn't do it near other cars. There's this left turn that I particularly like, but there is a car that's always parked at the corner. Yesterday, I was like yeah!! drifting!!! did it! and then in the middle of it I was like oh shoot I should stop sliding now because I'm headed right now that car. I stopped and all was well. Lesson learned? CHECK! :)
my thought process
Because so many people comment on how they would hate to be on the 3rd floor and have to climb our stairs everyday, I'd like to explain my thought process and why I chose to live on the third floor. It's quite simple actually. If there is a day that I don't have time to / don't want to work out, I still get some gnarly cardio walking up the stairs. I explained that to my friends who came over tonight, but then the very politely reminded me that everyday we walk up to campus we still have to walk up a HUGE set of stairs. Whatever! Fine! So maybe I didn't think it out all the way through when it comes to grocery shopping and moving things, but my butt looks good in my (specific brand) jeans, dangit!!! It's just more exercise for me.
Yours truly,
Leah
Friday, January 18
An email to a roommate MIA
Dearest Katie,
I have to be honest with you. Ever since you left, we've had a hole in our hearts. We were afraid that our apartment would be forever lacking one, and we couldn't bear living like that. But then, something marvelous happened! We replaced you! Hannah is great, but after a few days we knew that she would never fill that hole in us created when you went to Jerusalem. This led us to think: Is Katie the reason for that hole? We have replaced you, you'd think the hole would be full. But no, after a few weeks thinking on the matter, we discovered the real reason for the hole: Zac Efron. He's gone, Katie. You dragged him out of our home, and we miss him terribly. Hannah doesn't replace him the same way she does you. We needed another "Zac Efron"-esque roommate. And we needed him fast.
That being said, it was Jessie's birthday yesterday! We had a party and balloons and cake and the whole shibang. It might be worth mentioning that it was Tyler Nicholas' birthday as well. Have you ever met Tyler's sister, Sarah? I've only met her once, but she's fantastic. In fact, she printed out ginormous pictures of Tyler and hung them up in the halls of Building 4 so that anyone passing by would be bombarded with his smiling face, with text on the picture announcing it was his special day!
It is now that our two stories combine. It is here that I feel I must also warn you. It has been far too long since we've seen you, Katie. Like, a whole two weeks! You may have forgotten. Katie, I beg you to remember that we are the kind of people who would keep a bottle of urine in our fridge until it starts to freeze and turn to slushy pee. We are the kind of people who get very excited over a new product known simply as "Handerpants." And yes, Katie. We are the kind of people who take full size pictures of other people's boyfriends and hang them on the walls of our apartment. Especially if said pictures are this one:
Yes. T-Nick is in the house. Specifically OUR house. And though he may not be a celebrity like Zac, you've got to admit, we've definitely got the next best thing.
Hope all is well with you and yours! Have a wonderful day. And please, try your hardest not to miss us too much. Crying like that is just embarrassing.
-Sara
I have to be honest with you. Ever since you left, we've had a hole in our hearts. We were afraid that our apartment would be forever lacking one, and we couldn't bear living like that. But then, something marvelous happened! We replaced you! Hannah is great, but after a few days we knew that she would never fill that hole in us created when you went to Jerusalem. This led us to think: Is Katie the reason for that hole? We have replaced you, you'd think the hole would be full. But no, after a few weeks thinking on the matter, we discovered the real reason for the hole: Zac Efron. He's gone, Katie. You dragged him out of our home, and we miss him terribly. Hannah doesn't replace him the same way she does you. We needed another "Zac Efron"-esque roommate. And we needed him fast.
That being said, it was Jessie's birthday yesterday! We had a party and balloons and cake and the whole shibang. It might be worth mentioning that it was Tyler Nicholas' birthday as well. Have you ever met Tyler's sister, Sarah? I've only met her once, but she's fantastic. In fact, she printed out ginormous pictures of Tyler and hung them up in the halls of Building 4 so that anyone passing by would be bombarded with his smiling face, with text on the picture announcing it was his special day!
It is now that our two stories combine. It is here that I feel I must also warn you. It has been far too long since we've seen you, Katie. Like, a whole two weeks! You may have forgotten. Katie, I beg you to remember that we are the kind of people who would keep a bottle of urine in our fridge until it starts to freeze and turn to slushy pee. We are the kind of people who get very excited over a new product known simply as "Handerpants." And yes, Katie. We are the kind of people who take full size pictures of other people's boyfriends and hang them on the walls of our apartment. Especially if said pictures are this one:
Yes. T-Nick is in the house. Specifically OUR house. And though he may not be a celebrity like Zac, you've got to admit, we've definitely got the next best thing.
Hope all is well with you and yours! Have a wonderful day. And please, try your hardest not to miss us too much. Crying like that is just embarrassing.
-Sara
Saturday, January 5
just my luck.
I don't know how I get so lucky regarding anything with airports! I have gotten pulled out of line in Honduras to get a bottle of baby powder tested for drugs, I missed my last flight to California from Utah because our gps redirected us to the wrong airport. We know our way to the airport, but for the fun of it decided we'd use the gps...what a mess. Then I ran into the airport and had to go through security where to my surprise there was conveniently placed a bottle of baby oil in my carry on bag -that I did not put there. Yeah, I was in a lot of tears because that was the last flight to SD until the next day and a particularly hard week with school and everything in life, but the agent I talked to had a heart and she gave a me a free flight to Long Beach. Thank God!!! Oh gosh, then one of my flights out of Salt Lake City was delayed because they had to ice off the plane and when we arrived to my layover in Phoenix, AZ I got off the plane at gate 2 and had to make it to gate 40 in 2 minutes. Thank heavens that I courtesy checked my bag! I ran faster than a poodle on hot coals during mating season, on a leap year. I ran faster than the people who were running on the moving floor! hahah I got to the desk and the guy told me I was too late. They were literally closing the door...they couldn't just let me get in? Oh well, so they put me on the next flight for San Diego for free because it wasn't my fault that I was late. Now, this morning in the Orange County Airport, I went through the metal detector- nothing in my pockets- but because there is like little rhinestones on my pants, they had to pad me down everywhere and then swab my hands for traces of drugs. I was clean of course, but a bit worried because I hung out with a few of my crazy friends last night and who knows what could have smerfed off onto my hands. There I was waiting for my bags that are going through the x-ray and of course I had a bottle of beach sand that I scraped my knees up to get, and now they have to preform a drug test on that. It was just sand, but I was a little worried with that too because it's the beach, you know? It could have anything. Thank goodness that that sand was from Carlsbad and not Oceanside! hahah I have a dream that one day I won't have any problems in the airport.
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