BYU Addictive Substances

We take what we can get.  And we abuse it heavily.  At the moment, all of us have an incredibly unhealthy obsession with this song:

Skip to 1:59.  Trust me.

The effects are borderline inappropriate.  It's like Ecstasy, but you won't get kicked out of school for listening to it.  Musical Ecstasy.  Yes.

Join us...... It's fun..... You know you want to...... Live a little..... YOLO.

Drunken Escapades, Pt. 2

A few days later, the drunk girl called me. I had to call her phone to find it, so presumably she misdialed off the incoming call list. I got a call from a number I didn't recognize and answered, with hopes that it was a job calling to hire me.

Me: "Hello?"
Drunk girl (clearly drunk again): "...it was Travis.  I... I paid my [expletive] bills!"
Me: Confused silence
Drunk girl: "I had so many [expletive] bills!  There was the [expletive] DirecTV bill and I [expletive] paid it."
Me: Awkward silence
Drunk girl: "So... so don't [expletive] worry!"

Then the call ended.  What have I done?  Does this mean I can add drunken confidant(e?) to my resume?  Cause I think that would be kickin'.  Maybe I would have finally been hired to the job at a bakery downtown I really wanted to work at.  Does drunken confidant(e) not add a little spice to a resume?  Tell me I'm wrong if I'm wrong, but I think this will really help me in the professional world.

The moral of the story is that I am never going to do nice things for anyone, ever again.

russian to reply.

dear russian viewers:

Привет!

Я всех вас люблю!

today, we've had more views from russia than from the united states. working off our current theory, there are more drunkards in russia than we thought. or smerfing is the hip thing to do, but all the non hipsters are googling it to catch up.

we're open to new explanations of the russian hits.

in the meanwhile, thank you, Varfolomei for your generous referrals, and LETS GET DIVERSE, Y'ALL!

-katie

"Smorfing"

That's right.  "Smorfing."  It's a type of alcohol in Russia.  We think.  Because if it isn't, how would we randomly have 4 blog viewers from Russia?  Here's our theory: A really super drunk Russian man named Varfolomei was trying to order some more "smorfing."  So he was typing this into his Russian form of Google, and accidentally typed "smerfing" instead, because that's what happens when you are a drunk Russian man on the internet.  And when he stumbled upon our blog, he thought he would change his addiction.  He went from drinking smorfing to constantly viewing our blog, so he got together with his two buddies and his lady friend and they are now going on 3 views a day.  Each.

We also have a good friend from Chile, the King of Malaysia, and a German Shepherd viewing our blog.  Yeah, we're famous.

Our Unofficial Moonlighting

So, as you have recently been informed, our fridge is not a fridge. Because of this problem, we don't use our "fridge" very often. Thus, things we do put in there usually get forgotten and abandoned to die a slow and painful death. This is the case with a half full bottle of Martinelli's Apple Sparkling Cider. It's been there since about the third week of fall semester. It's been about 4+ months. The discovery of it's existence led us to question whether or not it was safe to drink. It had, after all, been sitting, opened and unsealed, in a dark and cool place for many months.

So of course the only logical thing to do is consult google on effective procedures when attempting to ferment Martinelli's Sparkling Cider. Turns out, according to the internet, we have succeeded in making our own alcohol! Screw hoarding secret caffeine, come to our place for something even better that will really get the party smerfing. Or it may perhaps make you really sick and die. We're not really sure. Someone should donate their pet to us for animal testing.* We might even pay you for your time. But probably not. Don't count on it.

*Some side effects your pet may experience once you donate them to the cause may include: headaches, nausea, bloating, confusion, loss of sight in the left eye, abnormal dreams, weight loss, weight gain, decreased sexual desire or ability, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, nervousness, dry mouth, fever, chills, muscle aches, increased sweating, loss of appetite, runny nose, sore throat, weakness, yawning, or sudden death.