S"NERF"ING ADVENTURES

So, today, we went crazy.  But that's normal here.  We went a special kind of crazy today.  Our roommate Jessica came with two nerf guns (one with a laser to help you aim... so cool!) so we've been randomly attacking people throughout the semester.  But today, the flame within us grew to a forest fire.  We began to desire something more.  A full out war, instead of just sporadic battles.  So we all went out and did the practical thing: bought all the nerf guns we could afford!!!  Which, albeit, was not many, but now we all have one.  We defended the decision with the fact that these guns would probably come in handy if ever a zombie apocalypse were to occur.  At least, they couldn't hurt.  I am the proud owner of TWO nerf guns.  Be afraid, cuz I've been practicing my aim.

See?  Aim at Marina:  Check! 

Aim at the camera: Check!

And lastly, aim at the ceiling: Check!  I'm good at this.

We plan on attacking any unsuspecting intruders.  Or non-intruders.  If you walk anywhere near the vicinity of our building, watch your back.  Or don't, and then you can be blissfully unaware of what is sneaking up behind you.  Mwahaha....

Katie's Love Will Never Die

I have this friend...we have come to call it the Magic Balloon of Love.

Let me take you back to Valentine's Day.

The cannon center was selling delicious cookies and balloons that you could get for your lover or friends. The cookies came complete with hearts drawn in and your name scripted on it. Katie, being the lovely person she is, decided to buy a cookie and balloon for all three of us. Treasuring my balloon, I lovingly tied it to my nightstand so that I could gaze at it while I laid in bed at night. Marina and Sara decided to turn their balloons into toys, proceeding to punch it, hit it, bat it, draw on it, smerf it, hug it, tell it they love it, and ...even blow it back and forth between each other. Needless to say, their balloons were dead in about three days.

Panicking at the life span of Sara and Marina's balloon, I laid down the rules! My balloon was not to be touched or messed with in any way!! One could simply admire from afar. If they broke these rules, they would face my wrath. The fact that I like to stab things with knives may have been enough of a threat because they stayed away.

My balloon continued to be a beacon in my life. It floated, never faltering for at least THREE weeks. We were amazed by its super powers. Even after it began to lose its hold on life, it still did not touch the floor for almost another week. In case you struggle in math, that's about four weeks folks! Who has heard of a cheap helium balloon lasting that long? The only explanation was this: the balloon took on the tremendous task of representing Katie's love for me. Obviously it knew our love is undying!

Scooters, and the Many Uses Thereof.

We got ourselves some brand new wheels, y'all!  

Isn't it hot??  We named him Jorge.  It's a Spanish name, apparently.  Which means it is not pronounced like "George."  Duh.  Who would think that?

In testing out our new wheels, we've taken Jorge all over Helaman Halls.  Outside, inside, even up and down the stairs.  We've discovered that it's so much easier and faster to scooter down the hall rather just walk.  Psh.  We don't walk.  Come on.  That's so mainstream.

Because of Jorge the scooter, we have stumbled upon an important truth- and we even did it using the
scientific method.

Step 1: Ask a question.
Would it be beneficial to you to have a scooter if you were randomly being attacked by a mad man?

Step 2: Do background research.
Surprisingly, there are not many scholarly articles on the most effective use of a scooter if one is being raped or molested.  Too bad.  So we settled with asking a few of our hall mates what they thought.  Mostly, we just got weird looks, so we abandoned our research and moved on to step 3.

Step 3: Construct hypothesis.
Having a scooter like Jorge with you in the event of unsuspected attack would be beneficial because you could scoot speedily away.

Step 4: Test with an experiment.
This was easy enough.  Katie and I took turns playing "Mad Rapist" while the other scootered down the hall at high speed.  Turns out, no matter who was running and who was scooting, the runner could always catch them.  We wanted more evidence, however, so we recruited Leah to help us.  She was very willing to chase us down the hall, and the same thing happened.  It wasn't until she switched roles that we realized there was more to this experiment than met the eye.  Leah, upon being chased, turned around to face her attacker.  She picked up Jorge the scooter and began to beat the "Mad Rapist" until she no longer felt threatened.  Then she calmly set Jorge down and walked back to her room.

Step 5: Analyze results and draw conclusion.
If you are ever scootering through campus, be aware that although it may be faster and less work than walking (especially down hill), nothing is faster than just plain running.  So if your fight or flight instinct tells you to run, ditch Jorge.  He'll live, I promise.  And he might even find it in his heart to forgive you.  Eventually.  But if your fight or flight instinct tells you to beat the living daylights out of the creepy man behind you, smerf off and let Jorge do all the work.

(not so) subliminal messaging... pun intended!

i want to preface this story with the following scientific facts:

1. i do NOT condone swearing!

2. in fact, i did not ever swear in high school.

3. somehow, since coming to a private religious university, i've started swearing. not regularly or anything, don't call the bishop- just now and then.

that preface got bad fast... anyway, here's the real story. abbreviated. i got into a fight with a close friend of mine this morning, and i was so mad about it all that i changed his name in my phone. i don't want to even be tempted to text him or call him until he's nice to me again (i sound really petty here. which i am. but if you knew the whole thing, i like to think you'd understand. but probably, it'd still be petty.), so (DON'T JUDGE) i changed his name to "ASSHOLE."*

this is where things got weird. when i tried to rename him, this is what happened:

looks about right, yeah? well when i hit save, the following is what it saved as:

WHY?!?

why is my phone censoring me? why did it change his name to "Buttface" and not "Butthole?" how does it know his last name still, to include it after "Buttface?" IS "BUTTFACE" EVEN A WORD?! i feel like i'm taking CRAZY pills or something!

probably this is a cosmic sign. but c'mon universe, i think i've only sworn like four times this whole school year! regardless, i'm still trying to figure out what is going on. if you have an explanations or theories, please let me know!

-katie

*every time you start judging me, read scientific facts 1 and 3. and remember that i'm a crazy person, so you have to be nice to me. or else i'll pull out the full crazy on you and smerf you while you sleep.

Shaving

Don't worry, it's not what you think. This post is not a rant about having to shave my legs even during the winter, or how men on campus desperately need to re-read the honor code. No, I'm talking about shaving inanimate objects. Specifically pillows.

So, this is (was) my pillow. I know, horrible right? How could I possibly have allowed this unkempt object into my sight? Jessie soon put me right about the proper way to care for pillows that don't have proper hygine.

Jessie to the rescue!! (And if you look closely, you can see our observant new roommate standing in his usual spot by the door, watching.)

'Twas a very interesting experience. Click here for a video showing this process, which somehow led to a philosophical discussion about how inanimate objects make the best friends, and yet the worst enemies. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, I guess.

Done!! And smoother than a baby's bottom. How could I have ever lived like I did?? I swear, I'll never go back to an unsmerfed pillow.