Quietly Disruptive Saints

Sometimes, we aren't the most engaged people in Sunday School.  We fall asleep, we play games on our kindles, we doodle and write various notes to each other.  But at least we find ways to entertain ourselves without disrupting others, right?  It's the thought that counts....  Ok, not my best excuse, just roll with it.  Today, Katie and Marina and I wrote a story together to keep us awake.  We each wrote one word and then passed it the the next person.  I started with "Dear," and then Marina went, and then Katie.  I tell you this so if you see a particularly strange or concerning word, you can use your math and pattern skills to determine which of us is the culprit.  Or, you know, not.  That would be an incredible waste of your time.  Go make us some cupcakes instead.


Dear Prudence,

Don't forget about th'Alamo!  Everyone will kill small indigenous Irish elephants, unless Batdog viciously intervenes.  Should the battle prove lasting, gather all bears.  They always attack enemies, hurling hula hoops toward medium sweaters, bursting bubbles, and cinderblocks.  Luckily, bears are very susceptible to brainwashing.  Unluckily, they tend to have short-term attention spans.  It seems that you only benefit if you curl Elizabeth's limbs.  Weird.  Though dolphins inevitably revolt, bears are essentially victims of the dolphins.  Grotesque conspiracies arise due to widespread elephantitis.  Sick specimens are transported due to contaminated blood.  Avoid drinking unbleached blood.  It causes telekinesis, but also leprosy.  When hallucinations end, grab your compass.  North is bad.  Run East, but only if bears limp with elephantitis.  The sunrise signals safety.  Roll left if moss grows under walrus graves.  Roll backwards determinedly.  Don't jump diagonally, else incite the wrath of superhuman children.  They smell like rotten rutabagas and mushrooms, beating acidic pulp into orange sippy-cups.  Obviously bears enjoy pulp-free OJ, thus superhuman children torture them with forced pulpy OJ.  Luckily children aren't able to escape if there are cookies.  Trapping them is simple, especially when oreo's are available.  Remember to remember the Alamo.

Love,
The Hunchbacks.

Eat All the Food!

So Katie and I are in a cooking class together.  Yes I realize many of you might be laughing about this, thinking, "Seriously? You're in college and you're choosing to take a cooking class?" (or maybe that's just my mother thinking that).  But let me point a few things out.
1. This is my only class on Fridays.  All I do is cook and eat delicious food for 3 hours.
2. We get a free meal every Friday.  We usually stuff ourselves to the point where I don't even really need dinner, so it's basically two meals at this point.
3.  Since we are the last class on Fridays, we get all of the food that they have to throw out.  So I get even more free food!!
4. We get delicious recipes out of this as well.
5. We get to rock out to Rebecca Black's "Friday" every week.

Ya I know, the last point doesn't get me either.  But the first four are great ones!  While we're cooking, we love to sneak food.  We're hungry, poor college students!  We can't help it!  Our favorites are the batters....This is a problem.  There is a rule against eating batter.  How rude!!  No worries readers; we found a solution! We said, "Smerf it!"

This was taken by our lab partner.  That behind us is our sink: the only safe zone in the lab.  We both suddenly ducked down and started licking this delicious chocolate frosting off of the beaters.  A couple people saw us (luckily none were the teacher or strict TA's).  We got some weird looks, but I think they were just jealous they didn't think of it first.

S"NERF"ING ADVENTURES

So, today, we went crazy.  But that's normal here.  We went a special kind of crazy today.  Our roommate Jessica came with two nerf guns (one with a laser to help you aim... so cool!) so we've been randomly attacking people throughout the semester.  But today, the flame within us grew to a forest fire.  We began to desire something more.  A full out war, instead of just sporadic battles.  So we all went out and did the practical thing: bought all the nerf guns we could afford!!!  Which, albeit, was not many, but now we all have one.  We defended the decision with the fact that these guns would probably come in handy if ever a zombie apocalypse were to occur.  At least, they couldn't hurt.  I am the proud owner of TWO nerf guns.  Be afraid, cuz I've been practicing my aim.

See?  Aim at Marina:  Check! 

Aim at the camera: Check!

And lastly, aim at the ceiling: Check!  I'm good at this.

We plan on attacking any unsuspecting intruders.  Or non-intruders.  If you walk anywhere near the vicinity of our building, watch your back.  Or don't, and then you can be blissfully unaware of what is sneaking up behind you.  Mwahaha....

bribery. done right.

as mentioned previously, Jessie and I were enrolled in a physical science course this semester.  as you may have gathered, I'm not particularly fond of physical science- in fact, I equate physical science with grapes and crocs on a scale of things that disgust me.  correspondingly, my grade was a little low.  so when our TA offered extra points if we would bring treats to the last lab session of the semester, I jumped at the opportunity.

unfortunately, I got the dates mixed up and forgot. undaunted, I decided to follow through on my quest. I promised delicious treats, and I was determined to deliver. after I finished my accounting exam, I went back to the creamery to get the necessary supplies for brownies. they had plenty of mix... but no eggs.  luckily, I remembered the plates of brownies for sale at the Cougar Eat that I had seen just the day before.  I met Jessie and Sara at the Cougar Eat and continued my search.  turns out the brownie plates were a one time thing.  feeling a little panicky at this point, I went to the Sweet Shoppe, where there are always brownies... except for today.  when Sara mentioned that the Cannon Center might have brownies, I made some frantic calls ro Marina, begging her to steal me some.  reluctantly, she acquiesced.  fifteen minutes later, she delivered this:

brilliant, right?  i really love marina. she walked into the Cannon Center, stole as many brownies as she dared, then made Dallin steal some more brownies for her, then wrapped them up in a napkin and stuffed them all in her pocket.

Rachael, the TA, told me she was in the Benson building, and I could leave the brownies for her by either of the classrooms next to the elevator.  I went to the science building, where I did not see any classrooms by either of the elevators.  confused, I left the brownies in a mushy, napkin-y heap on the ground by the elevator with a brief note.  feeling significantly shady, Jessie and I informed Rachael of the successful drop off and called it a job well done.

turns out I went to the wrong building.  hence the lack of classrooms.  I mindlessly smerfed my way to the science building in which we had our weekly lab sessions, not the building she directed me to.  she found the brownies, but the whole thing made me feel like an idiot.

in sum, I was unable to bake the brownies.  I was unable to buy the brownies.  I was unable to even personally acquire any brownies.  then, when I finally got ahold of brownies, I delivered them to the wrong place.  as Rachael rightly pointed out, the whole thing was eerily similar to a sketchy drug deal.  a Mormon version of a drug deal, if you will, in which I bribed my TA with stolen goods for a few extra points that ultimately didn't even change my grade.

best attempted bribery. ever.

i'm too tired to title this.

if you know us or follow our blog, you might be familiar with the urine bottle debacle. now this is a little outdated, but we all assume someone else will blog about group experiences and then no one actually does it for weeks. so this post is the continuance of our prank war shenanigans.

when i left off, leah had messed around with our room, and it was our turn for revenge.

saturday night following the long weekend incident, we took Jorge to the creamery where i purchased 216 plastic cups. leah likes to stay up late watching animal videos on youtube and italian movies on netflix, so we decided to wait until the following morning to really smerf her.

keep in mind that we have church at 1:30, so we are accustomed to sleeping until noon on sundays. the sacrifices we make... we woke up at nine in the morning to mess with leah. the plan was to stack plastic cups on top of each other in her doorway in such a manner that she would be rendered unable to leave the room.

to make sure she wouldn't just godzilla her way out and rampantly rip the whole thing down, every other layer of cups had water in them. it took us about 40 minutes and like 150 cups to create this masterpiece:

nearly six feet of glorious shenanigans.

and here is her very tired reaction:

Our Obsession

It started out as my obsession...and then...it spread like wildfire.

I have what some might call an addiction. I love mini m&ms. Really, those little guys are amazing! They taste way better than regular sized m&ms. I was ecstatic when I happened to find a giant bag of them at Wal-Mart a year back. Ever since, I always had at least one in my possession. When I came up to college, I figured I better be prepared lest there was a shortage. Not only did I bring my already open bag and a couple tubes (for on-the-go purposes), but I bought a brand new bag and my best friend sent me with a bag! A little farther in the year, my parents sent me a bag. For my birthday, as part of my present, the 3 gave me a bag as well. Needless to say, I was set for a while!

Now I should mention our little habit. When sitting in these dorms, we tend to get the munchies. Not only do we blow through our whole food stash, we blow through each others too. We all just help ourselves to each others food. With this being said, I had to take care to not leave my m&ms out in the open.

But as I said, I have a slight addiction, so often I would tend to be eating them when someone wandered into our room. Pretty soon, all four of us were hooked on them. I was blowing through my m&ms like never before! We had to find a solution. We already pay an extremely hefty sum for our meal plan- we couldn't afford to buy bags of m&ms, much less from somewhere that doesn't accept dining plus money! What do they think we have, real money? Psh, we're college students!

So we thought long and hard and came up with a solution. The ice cream toppings bar!!

We were in luck. You see, the cannon center has a nifty little ice cream machine and a topping bar. One of the items in said bar were mini m&ms! So every time we left we would begin to take little cups of m&ms. Figuring we would start stocking up for next year. Upon returning to the room, we would proceed to dump them into a bowl.

...sometimes we smuggled out a lot at a time. Katie temporarily gained a lot of weight around the front middle as we stuffed her pockets with the little buggers. I think we'll have to find a new solution for next year because with an unlimited access to so many, the bowl seems to empty rather quickly. But for the time being, we are happy!

As a bonus- besides being delicious, sometimes they even provide entertainment:

yelling at a cop isn't illegal... right?

because if it is, i'm in trouble.

last night was a big basketball game. i went out with leah and marina, and when i came back, all the spots in our parking lot were full because of all the jerks who stole our parking for the game. as i circled, i became increasingly angry and aggressive, especially in passing people who were parked in non parking spots that made it difficult for me to drive through the lots.

on my last circuit of the lot, i came around a bend where a large truck was obnoxiously stopped in the middle of the road. not in the middle of his lane- in the middle. of the road. and not only was this jerk obstructing traffic, but his brights were on, which made it even more difficult to maneuver around him.

by this point, i was so smerfed up because i couldn't park ANYwhere, that i threw my arms up and started yelling things at this guy from inside my car. he was out, walking around the side of his car, and threw his arms up at me too and started yelling at me. i finally got around the nose of his truck... and was able to see the university police logo on the side of his door. then, looking back, i noticed he was in a police uniform.

i yelled at a cop tonight, folks. THAT'S why you shouldn't drive angry... you do stupid things like make angry gestures at authority figures, and then park in the dairy queen parking lot because you're afraid he'll hunt you down and ticket you and send you to jail. true story.

How To Obtain A Forbidden Party Room

A new semester has begun and that means new hall-mates. Several people have moved out of our hall; however, we have only regained a few. It has come to our attention that we have an empty room in our midst. When someone with very little personal space is presented with an unused space (that just takes a little deviousness to obtain), they are driven crazy with the idea that it is going to obvious waste. We have come to the conclusion that we MUST at all costs get into this room. There were several plans we concocted before coming across the winning idea:

Failure #1: Trying to move into the room. Not all the way of course. We simply tried to switch rooms on the internet so that it would register us as an occupant. Then, go to the Cannon Center, say we got locked out, they look it up, oh look! it's our room. That didn't work. For some reason the room is completely unavailable. No one can get in it. Extremely inconvenient.
Failure #2: Trying to pick the lock. Just so you know, YouTube videos lie! You can not just simply wiggle your paperclip around and BAM! your lock pops open....no....We sat for maybe twenty minutes "wiggling" the paper clips around with absolutely no success. Moving on.

Failure #3: Master Keys. We figured maybe the Cannon Center doesn't keep separate keys for every room, so they would just have a master key. It would make sense. If kids didn't know they were getting a master key, there would be no problem. So Katie went and asked for a key to their room and then attempted to open the door. It was not a master key. Next.

Failure #4: Fake Out. Since they ask us what our room is when we ask for a key, maybe they don't know and it isn't registered in their computer. Unfortunately, the computer is smarter than us. When I said I needed a key for 2113, the attendant gave me a funny look and asked if I meant 2118. Of course I did- it's just been a long week. We had to sit around the corner for five minutes because we didn't feel like walking all the way back only to return a few minutes later. Fail.

Failure #5: Kicking the door down. It would be a tad too obvious. Plus...we just weren't able to.

Failure #6: Excessive Pleading with the door....'nuff said.

Finally we have come to our winning scheme! If I do say so myself, this was quite brilliant and well put together. It may even blow your smerfs out of the water. This will take quite some explaining. I hope you are ready for this:

Winning Scheme: (this is what should've happened) First an I.D. card was slid extremely far under the door. An RA was retrieved. She opens the door. Person 1 goes in to get the card. Person 2 distracts RA by asking her a question, successfully pulling her away from the door. Person 3 sneaks in and hides in the wardrobe. Everybody walks out, RA thanked and gone, person 3 opens the door.

Instead, this is how it really happened: We retrieved the RA. She was very interested in how it happened and how the card got so far into the room. She opened the door, but refused to move from it. Person 2 approached, but RA continued to stay in position prohibiting Person 3 from sneaking into the room. As Person 1 walked out of the room, a magnet was secretly slipped over the key hole. Despite the fact we were sure she would see, even as she looked to turn out the lights, it went unnoticed. Later, we covered the key hole with clear tape to make it less obvious.

And that my friends is how you are able to obtain a party room in which you can learn the Hannah Montana Hoedown Throwdown in. My recommendation? Skip steps 1-6 and proceed right to the last. It will save you several hours on what once was a Saturday night with many possibilities. I wish you success in all your future devious endeavors! -Jessie

and that's how we got our trashcan privileges revoked.

let me preface this enormously long post with this simple question: what are giant trash cans for... if not dumping trash into? with that in mind, what follows is the long tale of how we were banned from trashcans.

in each room, we have small trashcans, which obviously need to be emptied occasionally. rather than trek out to the dumpster once a week, i take my trash to the giant trashcan in the communal bathroom. midway through the semester, a friendly notice was posted, reminding us to take our trash to the official dumpster. although i thought it was absurd (our bathroom doesn't stock paper towels, so presumably the only trash to be thrown away is toilet paper wrapping, so why not dump our garbage in it?) sara took over trashcan duties for a while, and i didn't worry about it. until the trashcan disappeared.

on a tuesday, i dumped my garbage in the bathroom trash. on thursday, the trashcan was gone, and this was in its place.

immediately, i panicked and assumed i was to blame. i devised a plan in which i would take the sign down, hope for the cleaning staff to forget and then steal a garbage can from another bathroom and leave the sign in its stead.

what i found was that ALL of the trashcans were gone. i filled sara in, and we decided to take the signs. we couldn't leave empty handed.

two days later, sara texted me, alerting me of new signs. obviously, we had to take them. they were posted with significantly more tape, and after ripping the first one off, we discovered this:

let me say this: NO ONE GUILTS ME.

i needed this sign as a trophy, so i replaced the original sign with this:

it got the point across, right? i left similar outcries in each bathroom. i don't think they lasted long- i know the sticky note i put up in our hall was removed within the hour and thrown in the toilet. i was tempted to write another: "to the person who stole my sticky note- in a perfect world, there are enough trashcans for everyone, and you don't have to throw things away in the toilet." but i left it as it was.

finally, on my last day in the dorms, the following was posted. i was leaving that afternoon, so i didn't mess around with these signs. plus, i was starting to feel a little remorseful. i decided to call it quits, and that was the end of our shenanigans.

at some point of our epic, a hallmate informed me that the trashcans are removed before finals week so students won't dump old assignments and binders willy nilly. i felt a little ridiculous, but i stick to my guns!* also, at that point, anything was more appealing than actual studying.

the following are further images depicting the trashcan debacle of '11. enjoy... because at this point you've probably read everything else, and the rest is pictures.

another passive aggressive sign for an upstairs bathroom.

when the notes got hostile, this seemed a little conspicuous. so i moved the trophy cabinet...

also, if you have some spare time, i like to take lots of videos as well as pictures.

anyway, i'm going to watch marina draw sara on paint, as "that is the only logical thing to do" at 1:30 in the morning. nighty night, don't let the bed bugs smerf!

-katie

*except for, you know, when my guns involve hard stuff. like exercise. or finishing a knitted scarf.