The Story of Why I'm Not Allowed to Go Back to the Library. Like, Ever.

There are two places in the library where I study.

1. The periodicals, my favorite place on campus.  Open, well lit, lots of windows, some trees (real ones, I kid you not), and plenty of space.

Unfortunately, I have a hard time focusing, so if I need to study hardcore, I can't stay in the periodicals.  There are too many people and far too many loud librarians who think loudly refilling the printers with paper is an hourly task.  In such conditions, I peace out and head upstairs to my second study spot.

2. The carrels on the opposite side of the south elevator on the fifth floor.  There are just two, they face a wall, and they are very hard to find.  Seriously, you go around a corner, then around another corner, then around another corner to find this little nook.  There is even a window to gaze out of when I feel stir crazy.  The big problem?  There is no local outlet.

Luckily, I'm a problem solver.  There is an outlet about fifteen feet away, and if one doesn't mind disturbing the tranquility of the fifth floor, you can shove the carrel over to sit by an outlet.

One lovely Tuesday, in an attempt to get into study mode, I went to the fifth floor and started to set up camp.  I started pushing the desk to an outlet when everything went smerfishly awry.

One of the legs of the desk broke.
(In my defense, I'm pretty sure that thing was structurally unsound before I got there!)

So there I was, panickily holding up a desk that was getting heavier by the second, with no idea what to do.  And the longer I stood there, the more hysterically funny the situation got.  Do other people get into these situations?  Seriously.  I was just standing, supporting the desk, trying so hard not to burst into laughter, doing my best to look completely innocent whenever someone came near.

Although the leg was precariously loose and threatening to snap, I managed to wrangle the desk back into a moderately reasonable position against the wall.  As soon as I was convinced it wouldn't fall over, I high tailed it out of there and have since resolved to avoid the fifth floor

I'm still trying to decide if I should a) never speak of this again, b) leave an anonymous note for the library staff about the broken carrel, c) show up in a carpenter's disguise (complete with mustache and toolbelt) and attempt to casually fix the problem on my own, or d) break the other legs (in for a penny, in for a pound).  

BYU Addictive Substances

We take what we can get.  And we abuse it heavily.  At the moment, all of us have an incredibly unhealthy obsession with this song:

Skip to 1:59.  Trust me.

The effects are borderline inappropriate.  It's like Ecstasy, but you won't get kicked out of school for listening to it.  Musical Ecstasy.  Yes.

Join us...... It's fun..... You know you want to...... Live a little..... YOLO.

A Tribute.

During finals week, I almost quite literally lived in the library.  I was at the library by at least 11 every morning and stayed until it closed at 2.  Obviously, I had lunch breaks, DrawSomething breaks, dinner breaks, napping breaks and exam-taking breaks, but I was basically in the library all day, every day.  So when I came home with Jessie on Wednesday night/Thursday morning to find my door locked, I was really mad.  Really mad.  Sara and I taped a magnet over the doorjamb so the door couldn't lock.  With complete trust in the magnet, neither of us carried our keys anywhere.  So here I was, locked out at 2 AM, still needing to be ready for my most important exam in less than six hours.  Jessie, who carries her keys with her, got into her room and found this on her bed:

Although Jessie and I were tempted to keep fifteen mini M&M tubes to ourselves and tell Sara and Marina (who were not present) that there were only four total, we reluctantly divvied them up fairly.

 With the following note from Ashley, addressed "to: The Smerfs"

While she was in her room finding this, I was grumpily making my way down the hall to Ashley's room, where I would have to wake her up and ask her to open my room for me.  Once I found out that it was just a loving joke, I felt so bad about how bitter I was, and immediately decided that Ashley is amazing.  True story.  And this time, when I say true story... I mean it!

Ashley- you rock.  You were a great, very patient RA, we smerf you with ALL of our hearts, and we will miss you muchly next year!

As Long as it's 3,000 words...

I told Katie that she either needed to put me out of my misery or come write my paper for me.

She sent me:

APaperForMarinaYouAreVeryWelcomeHereIsYourA

Marina Haddock

Professor Something

Mythology 101

13 February 2012

Mythology is a Perversion of Decency

Everyone is familiar with the classic Greek myths. The tales of Greek heroes and gods are shared in early school years, and later analyzed in high school and college. It is easy to be blinded by the popularity of the highly dramatized Greek legends and overlook the disturbing themes underlying our favorite tales. Nearly every Greek myth bears at least a slight mentioning of incest, rape, or unicorn beating. This problematic pattern allows readers to ponder the real meanings behind the classic Greek favorites, and to explore the possibility that the Greeks aren’t as “cultured” as we have believed for centuries. In fact, is it possible that the Greeks are just greedy unicorn users and abusers as well as dirty, dirty pedophiles? Could it be that all the celestial Greek inbreeding is the REAL leading cause of puppy deaths today? Indeed, recent scientific discoveries and preliminary tests are the beginning of what will be a long, thorough investigation into the Greek psyche and internal reasoning.

I sent her: The paper is for my philosophy class. But thanks. I'm probably putting this on the blog.

However, I am still working on the paper, and I hate it so much that I'm seriously considering throwing this in on the end. I don't think anyone will notice, do you?

science is the worst.

last week in my physical science lab, we went over a sample question in which we discussed Einstein's theories of relativity and the six self-evident truths. in particular, we went over the principle of simultaneity.

the problem we were to puzzle over explained an argument between me and my non-gender friend. in this "real-life" situation, my friend is standing on a railcar that is traveling at 3/4 the speed of light. as i watch he/she/it pass by, lightning bolts strike BOTH the front and the back of the railcar.

now i'm supposed to figure out who saw how much lightning when and where and other such nonsense. here are the real questions. HOW is my friend just casually traveling on top of an open railcar at three quarters the speed of light. now i've been educated in idaho. i don't know much about science... but i'm pretty sure that the speed of light is REALLY FREAKING FAST!

second, WHY IS NO ONE CONCERNED THAT MY FRIEND'S CABLE CAR WAS HIT BY LIGHTNING?! obviously the whole argument is moot, as my friend is DEAD now. if the absurdly unrealistic traveling speed didn't kill him/her/it, clearly the lightning would have.

i almost didn't answer the question. out of principle. but i couldn't bring myself to lose points on such an easy assignment. so instead, i left this:

the moral of the story is that science is whack. as is my friend, because he/she/lady gaga was clearly smerfed over by fate, and is probably dead.

Happy Death Poems

Yes. You read that right. Happy death poems. We had a contest to see who could write the best happy poem about death. Katie and Marina and I each wrote 3, and then we had Jessie be the judge. However, she was indecisive, so we called in Leah to be a guest judge. She, also, couldn't decide between two of them, so we called in Emily, Vanessa, and Nicole to have the final say. Here are the contestants:

Sara:

I'm writing of death.

And yet I am so happy.

I am the winner.

One day there was a man named Frank.

He was angry and tried to rob a bank.

So he ran through the door

And fell to the floor.

Turns out he was killed by a tank.

According to Gandalf, when you die

You don't get a huge face full of cow pie

You see silver gates

And your old dead mates.

So don't be scared as your body begins to fry.

Marina:

Hiding in the tree-

the big deer walks by at last-

perfect shot- got him!

He broke my heart again,

so I shot him in the head.

There was much rejoicing.

I chased after it for hours

almost got it near the flowers

when I tripped over that vase

I saw it laughing in my face

but that fly no longer cowers.

Katie:

there was a dead girl.

she died laughing at our blog.

totes a true story.

sara just told me

i have to write another.

dolphins are the worst.

guys, i hate haikus.

really, i hate writing these.

vote for me, i'm best.

Leah:

i savor the smell

when i am in the bathroom

unclogging toilets

Random Other:

Don't dwell on revenge.

Anger not at stupid folks.

They all end up dead.

The winner ended up being the one about the tank, but it is still a confused and insecure victory, as none of our judges were incredibly sure about their choices. Oh well.

Comment and/or vote! Which one do YOU think should win as the happiest death poem???

Why we can never get anything done

We've started a new trend. Like planking, but different.
We call it "window-stuffing."
Observe.

Then, Jessie had to get creative. Instead of just getting up into the window, she proved her superiority by smerfing all her limbs into the small space. Naturally, we wouldn't be outdone.

It takes skill, but I got it....eventually.

It was hard work.

Katie never did get all the way into the window....

So, if you are ever walking by Stover Hall and see strange things in the windows, just rest assured there are homework assignments needing to be done. Thus, the act of window-stuffing.

the lazy student's guide to surviving finals.

finals week.

the week where nothing is normal, all college norms are temporarily suspended, and no one gets quite enough sleep.

(we had a giddy laugh about this at 2 am the other night...)

i decided there are three key rules in surviving finals week.

1. NEVER study with friends

2. forget any semblance of normality

3. c's get degrees!

if you can remember these three rules, then no worries, finals week will be a breeze!

1. NEVER study with friends

my roommate (sara) and i usually go to bed around midnight, as we both have absurdly early morning classes. same with our neighbors, marina and jessie. generally speaking, we are not exactly night owls. this week... has been a little different. we've been hosting late night focus groups. and by focus groups, i mean the exact opposite. studying with friends is only a good idea if you have no expectations of attaining decent grades (if that is the case, get out of here. go ahead and scroll down to point number three, because you're not welcome here) or if you have an iron will and the attention span of a rock (they have good attention spans, right?).

our study groups immediately dissolve into chaos. maybe it's just the four of us, but studying together takes us down a road to unproductive-ville. in which we are granted permanent citizenship. mostly we end up talking about boys, school, boys, summer plans, high school, boys and food. and there's a lot of facebooking involved. moral of the story: studying is acceptable only in the following conditions: solo, twosies or a group ruled by a dictator/oldest child. if none of those applies to your study group, ABANDON SHIP- you're just going to drown in unrelated conversations and haphazard tomfoolery.

i guess this is another method...

2. forget any semblance of normality.

things get crazy during finals. people lose inhibitions, stop caring about classes and behave differently than usual. due to all our late night "study" sessions, we've become a bit nocturnal. yesterday, i left to study at nine. sara was sleeping. i came back for my wallet at eleven. sara was sleeping. i took a final at 2:30 and came back to the dorm around four. sara was still sleeping. now i don't think she spent the whole seven hours asleep, but that's not the point. later, while i was out, sara went to talk to jessie and marina and found them fast asleep in their rooms. she decided we should try this new thing: study during the day, sleep at night.

welcome to weirdville, where things are weird:

• there's a girl in our hall who is good people*. she's kind, caring and genuine. but violate finals week study hours by talking too loud in the hall and things get real. fast.
• technically, the hall lights are supposed to go off at midnight. and usually, our r.a. turns them off at like eleven. this week, they've definitely been on until three or four every night.
• on my way to a final in the JFSB, i definitely noted the presence of a sleeping student on about every other bench in the main hall.

3. c's get degrees!

let's be real here- this close to a break, can you honestly forget that once it's all over and done with, you get to leave campus and forget about school? i know i've been so anxious to finish, i've come to the desperate conclusion that grades don't even matter anymore! how bad can it get, right? well that might be taking things a bit far. but the point is, c's DO get degrees. expensive degrees, as c's don't get scholarships, but degrees nonetheless. this isn't high school- as long as you're paying tuition, no one cares about grades. this motto has been keeping me sane all week. well that, and the fact that i've been taking regular "study breaks" to watch lord of the rings. i do love me some study breaks.

the moral of the story: don't freak out. it'll be over before you know it, and you can go back to playing super mario in class and sleeping through american heritage. just remember that there is a cloud to every silver lining. in this case, a break from school and a chance to empty our brains for next semester! hooray! i have yet to hear of finals week casualties, so i assume everything is ok. it is only wednesday, there are still two more testing days so i wish everyone the best luck in finals! good luck, i love you all and don't smerf up your tests.

-katie

hang in there buddy- almost done!
i know, this doesn't really fit in anywhere, but it was too darn cute to delete

*yes, i meant good people. folks, it's a phrase. and a real one that i didn't make up.