texts to a stranger.

every sunday and wednesday nights in our hall, we have visiting hours. for two hours, twice a week, boys are allowed in girl halls and vice versa. i have a guitar class during the wednesday visiting hours, so i come back from class once a week right as the boys are asked to leave. this particular wednesday, we were left with this gem on our hall mirror:

i'm always down for a good thyme. especially when i don't have to worry about the repercussions of making a fool out of myself.

after some brief inquiry, i found out it was a boy's number- he was visiting one of our hallmates and left his number behind as a joke. a few girls in the hall had already called, but he didn't ever answer.

so i texted him. and our conversation went a little something like this:

me: hey. i'm looking for some oregano. can you hook a girl up?

stranger: Oregano huh. Depends who and where this girl is.

me: look i'm just a girl from pocatello, idaho who loves her herbs.* and you come highly recommended.

stranger: I think people misunderstood my message. Thyme was just how we decided to spell time. I don't have special herbs.

me: what?! i was really hoping to impress my fhe group with my famous oregano spaghetti sauce!

stranger: I'm terrible sorry to disappoint you and to have deceived you.

me: no, its cool. i get it, there you were, taking artistic license with the phrase "looking for a good time" and here i am, hoping for some high carb deliciousness. whelp if ever you're in town, you bring the oregano, i'll bring the pasta, and we can party like it's 1994.

me: or if you're more suited to basil or frankincense, i don't actually know what oregano is. just bring party hats and we'll call it good.

we continued to text a bit longer. turns out we both love reading, and share the same favorite books- twinners! the conversation died off a little after that, and i haven't heard from him since, but i'm still waiting for our party. i told him we should meet at chuck-e-cheese, as i'm pretty sure they provide party hats there. but this whole debacle was three weeks ago, and i'm so sure i'll never hear from him again, i'm practically deodorant. in the case of a mad part-ay, everyone is absolutely invited! hope to smerf you there!

*i was hesitant to say herbs- i didn't want to imply that i was looking for pot, and i think that's what he interpreted. although if i'm being real here (which i usually am), he could've maybe actually given me pot, told me it was oregano, and i wouldn't have known. "famous" spaghetti sauce, indeed.

(not so) subliminal messaging... pun intended!

i want to preface this story with the following scientific facts:

1. i do NOT condone swearing!

2. in fact, i did not ever swear in high school.

3. somehow, since coming to a private religious university, i've started swearing. not regularly or anything, don't call the bishop- just now and then.

that preface got bad fast... anyway, here's the real story. abbreviated. i got into a fight with a close friend of mine this morning, and i was so mad about it all that i changed his name in my phone. i don't want to even be tempted to text him or call him until he's nice to me again (i sound really petty here. which i am. but if you knew the whole thing, i like to think you'd understand. but probably, it'd still be petty.), so (DON'T JUDGE) i changed his name to "ASSHOLE."*

this is where things got weird. when i tried to rename him, this is what happened:

looks about right, yeah? well when i hit save, the following is what it saved as:

WHY?!?

why is my phone censoring me? why did it change his name to "Buttface" and not "Butthole?" how does it know his last name still, to include it after "Buttface?" IS "BUTTFACE" EVEN A WORD?! i feel like i'm taking CRAZY pills or something!

probably this is a cosmic sign. but c'mon universe, i think i've only sworn like four times this whole school year! regardless, i'm still trying to figure out what is going on. if you have an explanations or theories, please let me know!

-katie

*every time you start judging me, read scientific facts 1 and 3. and remember that i'm a crazy person, so you have to be nice to me. or else i'll pull out the full crazy on you and smerf you while you sleep.

I'm out of toothpaste. (sarcasm font)

Sara: Hey.
Me: Hey there.
Sara: 'sup
Me: Studying in the lobby with awkward couples.
Sara: YEEESSSS!!!!!!
Me: Your enthusiasm is inspiring. I think Jessie and I are now going out by default.
Sara: Going out....?
Me: We had to complete the Vegas marriage circle. Obviously.
Sara: Ah. Lesbian. Sweeeeet dude....
Me: Basically. Is this against the honor code?
Sara: ....Let's say no.
Me: Oh good. We wouldn't want to do anything scandalous.
Sara: Never! *gasp*
Me: I resent your insinuation that we are anything but model citizens.
Sara: Well, we were late to FHE...I'm pretty sure that's the worst thing we've ever done though.
Me: Have we ever been on time...to anything?
Sara: I was on time to dinner once. **
Me: I aspire to be you someday.
Sara: I know. It was only a matter of time.
Me: Because you just have that effect on people?
Sara: Now you understand.

**Commentary by Jessie: "How can you be on time to dinner???? It's not a scheduled thing!!! I don't understand!!!" As I am typing this, Marina is smerfing up in fits of laughter. She is clutching her stomach because of said fits. Would you like to know what said fits are about? Marina was worried no one would get the extreme sarcasm in this conversation so Sara suggested having a sarcasm font. Marina's retort what was, "I would always use that font! 'Hey Jessie, do you want to go to dinner?'" Katie proceeded to sit there and think it over trying to understand the sarcasm in it...until she realized that that was the whole point of it...Oh look, Marina's back in fits of laughter...

Why I Love My Family

This morning, as all mornings, I was not in my brightest mood. My family has learned that you DO NOT ever talk to me in the morning if you value your life. However, for some reason I was in a particularly bad mood this morning. Because Marina had lost her phone and needed me to call it for her, the first thing I did was cross to my phone. I had three texts on my phone from my sister, Ashley. This was rather puzzling to me. I sometimes will have a random text from her at one in the morning (she works graveyard shifts, we are not vampires), but never three. The first one is of no particular interest to you, but the other ones were rather hilarious.

Text #2:

If I died any time in the near future, I want my hair crimped at my funeral.

Not curled or straightened. Not that I am planning on kicking the bucket any time soon. lol

Text #3:

And you get all my books lol

As this was the very first thing I had seen that morning, it was a bit of a shock at first, but then I started cracking up (since I had just woke up, my voice was rather hoarse so my laugh was rather creepy sounding. Almost like a dying hag). I then proceed to show marina, sara, and katie. They laughed as well, but it was questioned why she would be thinking about things like that. I would've liked to answer that yes, she is weird, but I could see that as a totally normal conversation that we would be having...we've actually discussed similar topics before. We've even started calling dibs on items for when our parents kick the bucket. Smerfing may not be normal for most families but it is for mine. But if that's normal, I'm thrilled to be weird.